8th Grade Anonymous Question

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Here are our responses to the anonymous questions we received from the 8th grade class. If you don’t see your question or want to know more about something in particular, you can email us or fill out the submit form on the homepage!

8th grade:
Lesson 8.1 Creating the Classroom Climate

Q: When is a good time to have sex?

A: Whenever you feel ready. Do keep in in mind, that the legal age of consent in Washington is 16. This also deals with your family/personal/religious values which can help you to make an informed decision around having sex.

Q: When you are going through puberty why is there hair growing down there all the time?

A: Growing hair in your pubic region is completely normal! The amount is different for everyone, and there is no “normal” amount. If you do wish to trim or shave it, do some research, and talk to a trusted adult about pros and cons.

Q: What is a dildo?

A: A dildo is an object generally shaped like an erect penis used for sexual stimulation.

Q: How can I grow a mustache?

A: You can’t really “make” yourself grow a mustache. The only thing you can really do is let yourself go through puberty and see if you do. It is perfectly normal for people to not be able to grow facial hair, and this doesn’t represent your worth.

Q: Are you suppose to shave your pubic hair?

A: This is completely based on if you want to or not and how it fits into your family values. If you feel like it’s just not something for you, for any reason, then don’t. If you like how it feels/looks then go ahead! Either choice is completely valid and up to you!

(Also be aware of the fact that some places, such as around your genitals, can feel really itchy when the hair starts to grow back after shaving)

Q: What age is the best age to have kids?

A: This is based on family and personal values. If/when you decide to have children, you should be aware of how much it will take to look after another human being. It is important to consider all pros and cons before attempting to conceive or adopt a child.

If you’re asking about the best biological age to attempt to conceive, it’s very similar to above- when you’re ready. It’s important to consider your emotional and mental maturity, as well as your life plan. Being at a younger age with a child can be hard with school life.

Q: What is the maximum number of babies a female can have?

A: There is no maximum number of babies a woman can physically have, but the older a woman is the harder it is it conceive a child and give birth, resulting in miscarriages, and, in worse case scenarios, death.

Q: When will I get a butt and boobs?

A: This is something that is tied into puberty. Breasts generally start growing from age 8-13 and can continue until your early twenties. Your butt is more impacted by an increase in hip size also around this time. To know how puberty will impact you, you can look at your family history. It’s also important to keep in mind that none of this is tied to beauty. You are perfect to matter what.

Q: What is inbreeding?

A: Inbreeding is having children with closely related family members, like sister/brother, cousin/cousin, etc. In the U.S this is illegal, but specific laws tied to cousins having children together differ.

Q: How do you put on a condom?

A: This is a really good video about how to put on a condom:

The main steps are:

Check the expiration date, make sure the condom hasn’t been damaged by checking that there is still air in the package, open the package carefully, make sure that to condom is going the right way (it should roll down easily), if you put it on the penis the wrong way, do not flip it over and reuse it–get a new one, pinch the tip of the condom and place it on the head of the penis*, leaves some space at the top and then roll the condom all the way down to the base of the penis.

When you are finished having sex and have ejaculated, hold the rim of the condom and pull your penis out BEFORE your penis goes soft, then turn away from your partner to make sure you don’t accidentally spill any semen in them, then take off the condom, tie it in a knot, and throw it away.

*If you are uncircumcised it may be comfortable to pull your foreskin back before putting the condom on.

Don’t be afraid to practice before hand. If you ever want a condom, you can talk to a member of Teen Council, the school nurse, or you can buy them.

Q: My girl was scared of my baby maker, is that bad?

A: Nervousness about sexual contact is perfectly normal. However, your partner should never insult your body, or make you feel insecure. Try talking to your partner about the way that made you feel, and don’t be afraid to have the discussion on whether you are really ready for sexual interactions or not. If they say no, that is a valid response that you have to respect, but verbally insulting the way you look is not.

Q: My penis is circumcised, does that bolster my chances of getting a mate?

A: Circumsized, or uncircumsized, you are allowed to be comfortable in your body. Your partner should never make you feel ashamed of your body, and should instead support you.

Q: What is a wanker?

A: A wanker is a common British insult, generally directed at a man. It means a person who masterbates, but the connotations have changed to being an insulting word.

Q: Why do we get a lot of hygiene?

A: Try to shower one a day, and use deodorant. If you do use scented soap, be careful applying it to sensitive areas like the vagaina or penis. This can cause iratation, rashes, and (for vagainas) yeast infections. Also, if you do have a penis, you can pull back the foreskin to wash there gently with water.

Q: What is a 69?

A: A position during sex involving simultaneous oral sex that vaguely resembles the number 69.

Q: What is a fetish?

A: A fetish is a form of sexual desire where pleasure is fixed to a particular object more than normal. The object can be things like clothing and body parts.

Q: What is an average size of a penis?

A: The average penis size in the U.S is about 5 inches when erect. However, that is just an average, and many people fall outside of that range, which is perfectly fine.

Q: Does the US have one of the worst sex ed systems?

A: This depends on your values around sex ed. Often sex-ed will follow an abstinence only sex education. Comparing it to other sex education systems around the world is difficult because often teaching is done based on what regions believe is appropriate for kids to learn.

Q: Is it true that the nurse will give out birth control to whomever asks?

A: No, the nurse is not allowed to give out unprescribed medication in that way.

If you need birth control you can find it at Vashon Natural Medicine or through Planned Parenthood. We recommend talking to your parent or guardian before getting them, however you are able to get them without parental consent.

Q: Is it normal to masterbate at this age? Is it okay for girls to do it?

A: Yup! It’s completely normal, no matter gender. It’s also okay to choose not to.

Q: What is an ejaculation?

A: Ejaculation can mean either the act, generally of a man, reaching orgasm. But it can also be used to specifically refer to the fluid released from the penis when a man reaches orgasm.

Q: What is oral sex?

A: Oral sex is a form of sex involving the mouth coming into contact with a partner’s genitals in order to cause stimulation.

Q: Can a girls vagina fall out?

A: Nope! It is pretty firmly planted in there. However, if something is coming out of a vagina that you feel is not normal, we recommend talking to a trusted adult, and setting up a doctor’s appointment to see if something is wrong.

Q: What does sex feel like?

A: There is no one way that sex should feel. The big things though, is that it should be consensual and without a power imbalance. It also should not be hurt (if it does you may need more lubricant). All in all it should be fun and feel good.

Q: I saw a sign that said “looking for a bad MIF”, what is that?

A: I’m assuming the acronym was actually MILF which stands for Mother I’d Like to F*ck. This has come to mean an attractive older woman.

If the acronym was MIF it likely means Mother I’d F*ck, which is basically the same thing.

Second lesson: Healthy & Unhealthy Relationships

Q: Is it healthy for one partner to say you have a small penis?

A: Insulting your partner is never healthy! You and your partner should have a clear conversation about boundaries and how it makes you feel when they say things like that. If you’re not sure how to start that conversation, talk to parents, or another trusted adult, about how to open that communication.

Q: How does someone get out of an abusive relationship if their partner has threatened them?

A: Talk to a trusted adult who can look out of your safety while you leave. They can be there to intervene if anything goes wrong. It’s a situation that those at school like councilors and teachers, as well as your parents guardians, and domestic violence agencies such as DOVE are here to help you with. If you ever need help figuring out what to do next, please don’t hesitate to contact us.

Q: How do people get stuck in unhealthy relationships?

A: There are a variety of reasons. Sometimes people just don’t realize a relationship is unhealthy. Many of the messages that the media pushes have behaviors that aren’t healthy, but we accept as being the standard relationship. Sometimes people are looking for a relationship to have more power/control over a partner, which is really unhealthy. The best thing to do to combat unhealthy relationships is to learn about them. And to know about the power/control wheel, as well as to understand the equality wheel to see what we want in our relationships. Communication is key, and many unhealthy behaviors can be dealt with by talking to each other.

That being said, sometimes the best solution is to get out, which is valid.

Q: If you are adopted, is it alright to date your cousin?

A: While it might be legally alright, it could cause friction within your family. Talk to your parents about it, and open that communication.

Q: How do you get in a relationship?

A: There is no one way to get into a relationship. Communication is key

Q: What should I do if my partner won’t let me break up with them, they say they will kill themselves?

A: It is important to contact a trusted adult such as parents/guardians, counselors, or teachers to make sure that you can leave safely. Because your partner has threatened suicide, having adults in their life be aware to make sure they are safe is also important.

Q: What does sex feel like?

A: There is no one way that sex should feel. The big things though, is that it should be consensual and without a power imbalance. It also should not be hurt (if it does you may need more lubricant). All in all it should be fun and feel good.

Q: What is “pray the gay away” mean?

A: Pray the gay away is referring to the mistaken belief that being gay is a choice and that if one prays enough to God, the person will stop being gay.

Q: What effects do pornography have on your mind?

A: This is a layered question that can have a very complicated answer that covers a lot of different subjects. One of the most common things that can potentially happen is setting up unrealistic expectations of sex and relationships. This can cause unhealthy situations where a person can push their partner into doing things that aren’t safe. Porn can also cause a distance to people in real life and create a barrier in relationships based on what one perceives a relationship to be based on porn.

The porn industry can also create body image issues by leading people to believe that boob or penis size is important. Boys often get over conscious about penis size and become more fixated on body parts than on the feelings of attraction between people.

Because porn is also geared towards men, the women in the videos are often an unrealistic fantasy. There are often unhealthy power and control dynamics that are very prevalent. If someone watching doesn’t recognize this as unhealthy, they can bring it back into their relationships.

Q: What does a guy do with a condom?

A: A condom is used as a barrier form of contraception. Someone with a penis would put the condom on before engaging in penetrative sex. (Refer to the ‘How to put on a condom answer)

Q: What is an orgy?

A: An orgy is when a group of people get together to have sex.

Q: What does the slang word SALTS stand for?

A: I’m not sure exactly, but from what I’ve found it’s Smiled A Little Then Stopped. It would be used in place of lol or lmao.

Q: Why does a male have genitalia?

A: All people have genitals, whether they are male, female, or other. Evolutionarily, we have genitals for reproductive purposes, but not all people want children, and we now have the option to choose if we want to be parents or not.

Q: Is it a healthy relationship when the only thing someone wants to do is cuddle and hang out at my house?

A: As long as you are okay with that then it’s fine! If you feel uncomfortable it’s always good to communicate that with your friend!

Q: What can I say to guys in class to stop them from rape?

A: Generally rape gets somewhat normalized by making jokes about it. One way to deal with this is to either not laugh or tell the person that it’s not funny. You can also spread awareness that it’s not something to joke about. Starting with your friends and going from there can be really useful. If someone just will not stop, you can bring in your teachers who would be completely behind preventing that behavior.

Q: I just got a girlfriend a couple of days ago and we both really like each other. This morning she texted and said that she didn’t want a full on relationship, but just being “really, really really good friends.” Is it still acceptable for me to hold her hand or still act as if we are in a bf/gf relationship?

A: As long as you have consent from her you should be good! Hand holding and physical intimacy are not exclusively for romantic couples. Lots of friends also hug, hold hands, or cuddle. However, it is important to understand your friends boundaries and communicate around them. And it’s important not to pretend to others that you are dating if it makes your friend uncomfortable.

Q: I watched a youtube video of an anti-feminist being made fun of because of the things she said, how is that abuse?

A: Mocking another an be considered emotionally abusive behavior.

Q: Students have been making jokes about cyberbullying and then cyber bully people about their gender. What can I do to end their bullying?

A: The best thing you can do it report it any time you see it happen. Tell a trusted adult like a parent or counselor. Websites and social media also have ways to block people and accounts so definitely use those functions. Some also allow you to report a user for violating the terms and conditions of the site, which often includes harassing people. You can also make sure that whoever is being attacked knows that you are there to support them. Being made fun of because of your gender identity really hurts, so it’s important to let them know that they are valid and that the bullies are immature and wrong.

You can also contact us if you need help or advice dealing with this.

Q: How can someone be an “it” because the dictionary says to be male you have to have the reproductive organ to fertilize an egg?

A: The dictionary is referring to the biological term male used to describe one’s genitals being a penis and testicals and having XY chromosomes.

“It” is a pronoun that should only be used with the consent of the person you are talking about.

8th Grade Abstinence Lesson

Q: What is cunnulingus?

A: Cunnulingus is the stimulation of the vagina with lips or tongue (oral stimulation of the vagina).

Q: Why is STI more PC?

A: STI is used in place of STD because it is more encompassing. Not all sexually transmitted infections become diseases.

Q: I want to be body confident, but I’m not. How do I change that?

A: One thing that may help is checking out Sonya Renee Taylor! She has a website called https://thebodyisnotanapology.com where she talks about self love.

We also want you to know that you are perfect. You are whole, valid, and enough.

Q: What are the benefits of circumcision or non-circumcision?

Circumcision rates in hospital settings have fallen from 65 percent in 1979 to 58 percent in 2010, per the National Center for Health Statistics. But behind the numbers are contradictory opinions from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP): In 1999, the group stopped recommending routine circumcision. Since then, the AAP has reversed its position. Plus, what the stat doesn’t show is that many opt in for religious or cultural reasons. And there are some families who choose not to do it because they think it’s akin to genital mutilation. Whether he still has that swatch of skin or not, here’s what it means to you.

1. How it LOOKS
Uncut: The tip has a hooded look-think of an aardvark’s snout or a penis wearing a turtleneck.
Cut: The head resembles Darth Vader’s helmet.

2. How HEALTHY it Is
Uncut: Cleanliness takes an extra moment, other than that mostly it is a personal decision within the family between the parents.

Q: You said to wait until the right time. You can retire at around 50, so should you wait until around then?

A: If you want to! You should never feel pressured into having sex. If you want to wait until you have retired to have sex, then go ahead! When we talk about the ‘right time’ we mean a time in your life that fits with your family, religious, and/or personal values.

Q: What is a chode?

A: The most common definition of a chode is a penis that is wider than it is long. However it can also be a slang term for the perineum (the area between the anus and genitals).

Q: What if your partner wants sex, but won’t put on protection?

A: You can say no, especially if you are uncomfortable or you and your partner have not been tested for STIs. Your health is very important. One way to deal with this is to use other methods of protection. You can buy internal condoms or get birth control. You can hold off on having sex until you feel comfortable with what ever you choose to do. Your partner should respect your right to your body.

Q: What is a good age to have a child?

A: This is based on family and personal values. If/when you decide to have children, you should be aware of how much it will take to look after another human being. It is important to consider all pros and cons before attempting to conceive or adopt a child.

If you’re asking about the best biological age to attempt to conceive, it’s very similar to above- when you’re ready. It’s important to consider your emotional and mental maturity, as well as your life plan. Being at a younger age with a child can be hard with school and social life.

Q: Are certain cultures or races more likely to have STDs?

A: Nope! STIs effect everyone equally. What really impacts the spread of STIs is access to protection and education on prevention.

Q: Is masterbation bad for you?

A: Masturbation causes no physical damage to a person. However, some families do not condone it due to religious reasons. If you’re unsure about it, try and talk with your parents or a trusted adult about what your family believes, so you can make an informed choice about your beliefs.

Q: Can you have sex and then be abstinent?

A: Yes! Abstinence is just a conscious choice not to have sex. You can choose it for any length of time at any time.

Q: What does sex feel like?

A: There is no one way that sex should feel. The big things though, is that it should be consensual and without a power imbalance. It also should not be hurt (if it does you may need more lubricant). All in all it should be fun and feel good.

Q: Why do y’all say, “Abstinence is 100% effective”, when it didn’t even work for the virgin Mary?

A: I asked my Catholic Contact about this and here is their response:

“[It’s] because this involved an archangel named Gabriel and the Will of God descending from above. Unless you have been chosen by God to bear the Messiah, abstinence will work 100% of the time. Hope this cleared things up.”

-The In-House Catholic.

Q: What is a foot job?

A: A foot job is a term referring to sexually stimulating a penis with one’s feet.

Q: Why do boys have penises and girls have vaginas?

A: Actually, a boy can have a vagina and a girl can have a penis! But if you mean how each develops

Q: What is cum?

A: Cum is a slang term used to refer to the mixture of proteins and sperm a penis releases when ejaculation occurs.

Q: What is precum?

A: Precum or pre-ejaculate is a small amount of seminal fluid released by the penis before ejaculation. It works to clean out the urethra of bacteria and urine. While it is rare, there may be sperm in pre-ejaculate, especially if someone has ejaculated recently.

Q: Is it possible to get an STD from oral sex?

A: Yes, it is possible. STIs like herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhea, and HPV can all be transmitted through oral sex. You can prevent the spread of these infections by using a dental dam or condom when giving or receiving oral sex. It is also always good for you and your partner to be tested before engaging in sexual activities.

8th Grade Protection Methods

Q: What happens if you have anal sex and poop comes out?

A: It is not unheard of for this to happen. Make sure to stop and clean up. Fecal matter being near or in the vagina can cause infections like a UTI.

Q: Can you take the morning after pill right after sex, or do you have to wait awhile?

A: Right after! It’s actually recommended to take it as soon as possible after sex because your window to take it is so small. The morning after pill, or Plan B, is only an option for up to 72 hours. It has an effectiveness of 95% in 24 hours and 89% if taken in 72 hours.

Q: Is it bad to fist a girl in the butt?

A: As long as it is consensual, there is nothing “bad” about it. Make sure to have a clear conversation beforehand about what you both expect, and go slowly. If you are still not sure if you are comfortable with the idea, talk to a trusted adult who can help you figure it out.

Q: Why isn’t pulling out on the Protection Methods Chart? Planned Parenthood has it on their chart.

A: Planned Parenthood is most likely listing it because it is a method. However, pulling out is not an effective method of preventing pregnancy, and it does not prevent STIs. Because pre-ejaculate can contain sperm, and because you may not be able to move fast enough before ejaculating, you can be putting your uterus baring partner at risk of pregnancy. You may also not be able to move far enough away from your partner and still get sperm on them, which can find its way to the vagina. And because you are having skin to skin contact there is no protection against STIs.

We recommend always using some layer of protection. If you don’t want to use an external condom, you may consider using an internal condom.

Q: Is it true that it’s bad to keep condoms in your wallet?

A: It’s not a good idea, for sure. Because of the increase in friction from opening and closing your wallet, and from it just moving around in your bag or pocket, the condom is more likely to tear. They also get exposed to heat and cold which also increases their risks of tearing. If you want to keep them in a bag, you may want to put them in a hard case, such as a business card holder.

Q: Can a man get an STI from a woman?

A: Yes. STIs affect all genders equally.

Q: If a condom breaks during sex will I be pregnant?

A: Not necessarily. Especially if you have been regularly taking birth control. However, if you aren’t you’re going to need to work quickly. If this occurs you may want to consider Plan B or the morning after pill. This is a type of emergency contraception with a success rate of 95% if taken in 24 hours and 89% if taken in 72 hours. It can be bought over the counter, or you can get it for free at DOVE. Planned Parenthood can also give more options and support. After about two weeks if you haven’t gotten your period, you may want to take a pregnancy test.

We encourage you to talk to a parent or trusted adult to get support.

Its also important for you and your partner to go get tested for STIs because you have come into contact with genital fluids and skin, which is how you get exposure to STIs.

Q:What is hermiding or the thought?

A: We aren’t sure, I don’t think that we understood your handwriting. If you’re comfortable, could you contact us from our website?

Q: What is a rim job?

A: A rim job is slang for the performance of oral sex on the anus.

Q:What’s cowgirl style?

A: Cowgirl style, also known as riding, is when one partner lies on their back, while the other partner sits on top facing them.

Q:What is the point of flavored condoms?

A: Flavoured condoms are made for having safe oral sex. Because latex doesn’t taste very good, they have multiple flavours to make it better.

However, keep in mind that they are not made for vaginal sex and can cause yeast infections.

Q: If two people are drunk and have sex who’s charged with the rape charge?

A: This is a really complicated situation. Really, if both people are drunk, neither can consent. However, if both people while intoxicated consented, most likely neither will charge the other. But if one person doesn’t want sex/is passed out, then is is considered rape. This is a very convoluted situation, and I urge you to talk to a trusted adult or contact Teen Council if you need help figuring out what to do in a situation like this.

Q: What happens if a condom is expired?

A: When latex gets old it starts to dry out and become more brittle and lose their strength and flexibility. When this happens, it’s more likely to tear during sex. Expired condoms can also irritate skin and cause minor rashes. It’s also important to note that how the condom was stored can influence this. A condom that is stored in a cool dry place should last for up to 6 years. A condom stored in a wallet or pocket where is it exposed to heat or moisture is less likely to survive that long.

This is the same for both internal and external condoms.

Q: Can you use birth control and a condom at the same time?

A: Yes! Condoms are a barrier form of contraception, so they protect against STIs when used correctly. Some people use birth control to regulate hormones and periods, and still use condoms during sex to protect themselves or their partner from an STI.

Q: Are pensis really that big? The condom was huge

A: The average penis size for an adult is about 5 inches when erect. The material that condoms are made out of is extremely stretchy so it can accommodate most penises.

Q: Are there bigger sizes of condoms?

A: Yes! There are a wide range of condom sizes. It is important to find one that really fits you, because if it is too big, the condom is at risk for falling off during intercource. One possible way to test condom sizes is to masturbate with one before having sex, so as not to “ruin the mood” with an ill fitting condom.

Q:What if you are like me and none fit? Is it appropriate to tape multiple condoms together?

A: There are many sizes of condoms, and you can try out different sizes to try and find one. But whatever you do, do NOT tape two condoms together! That is extremely unsafe and severely lowers the effectiveness. If you are engaging in vaginal sex, you can try an internal condom, which goes inside the vagina and provides quite a bit of space.

Q: How does abortion work?

A: Here is a helpful video that explains it in an understable way: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWKqeJxzeBc

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